The Perfect Time to Buy a New SUV
by John Delach
Good God Almighty, if I listen to the President of the United States, the Governor of the state of New York, Comrade Mayor Bill DeBlasio or other prominent politicians, scientists from the CDC, WHO – all I hear is blah, blah, and blah. By their accounts, both Mary Ann and I will probably be infected, maybe die – as- collateral casualties in the war against COVID-19!
We are told the purpose of their broadcasts is to express caution to protect us. Alas, their daily doom messages spread fear and panic. Meanwhile, more draconian measures are introduced daily reducing our freedom of movement. Each day, restrictions and prohibitions increase.
On Friday the 13th, President Donald J Trump declared a National Emergency to combat the COVID-19 virus giving our government dictatorial powers to do whatever is necessary to combat this virus.
Quarantine, is only a question of time. Slowly, but surely, the USA is heading to an emergency of biblical proportions where all normal activities cease by government mandate.
Oops, then comes the bad news news: Of course, the compromised and elderly are at extreme risk. “They should hunker down in place, avoid all contact with all organisms in the known universe. They should spend their lives washing their hands, live in fear and be prepared to bend over as far as their old, tired, arthritic bodies will allow to kiss their asses goodbye.”
A silly thought: What if the virus is part of a vast military / industrial /business / international Western governmental conspiracy to thin the herd by eliminating the old leaches who are sucking the system dry by our pensions, social security and socialized free medicine? We are their targets because we refuse to leave the planet on our own. What if they developed this virus to take us out? Think about how much they will save by our elimination!
And what about our fearless leaders? For example, here in the USA, three old white men out of touch and living in the past are our only choices to be our next fearless leader. The Donald, the current and controversial president, Bernie the Red and sleepy Joe. Seriously, if you don’t believe this cabal of three are working under cover and in unison, you are playing into their hands. (Just a thought.)
What to do? Faced with this enormous crisis at 76, my only escape was to buy a new SUV. I picked out the brand-new Hyundai Palisade because I could enter it without banging my head and it had lots of bells and whistles at a reasonable price.
I enjoyed the fact that the salesman was oblivious to the stock market meltdown and the COVID-19 panic. He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse so, what the hell, I took the plunge. I signed all the paperwork, put down a serious deposit on Wednesday, March 11 and took delivery that night.
Since then the world continues to implode. But what me worry? Hell no, I can stay in my new beauty of an SUV in quarantine until hell freezes over.
Since all of sports leagues and the colleges have voluntarily ceased for the foreseeable future, learning how to operate all these new systems will help me to survive our quarantine and I’ll have a complete understanding of my new vehicle ito escape Uncle’s wrath for telling the truth and spilling the beans.
Pick your poison; I picked mine. See you on the highway to freedom: Live Free or Die.
Outstanding, Delach. Major issues here in the UK and the fabric of society is breaking down. Just been told that gentlemen may now change their shoes in the Golf Club car park!
You can live in it with your wife if all hell breaks loose! Great blog!! Stay safe. Scotch is a very good disinfectant which I am using.
Bruce C. Belzak Cell: 610 909 2411 email@example.com
Finally, time to read the owners manual
Some stuffy folks on the island are taking exception to CV levity. Keep it up. I’m thinking of a take on the word ‘naked,’ lifted from Genesis chapter 3, might send some over the edge. Good riddance. Is this too extreme? And I’m sick of Cuomo. He only has a face for radio.
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John, May your new vehicle last a life time (or better)
Great post. Made me chuckle which is a good thing given our circumstances. Glad you bought a new toy. Enjoy and my best to you, Maryanne and family. Stay safe!
John I love you –I’ll see you on the road to heaven or hell or Shoprite.. Allegra
So John, let me get this straight. You are suggesting the best strategy for those of us who have scroll down deep to insert the year of our birth in an online application form is to prepare for a Carantine? How many rolls of toilet paper fit in that new Hyundai?
Kudos on your new SUV.
And thank you, John, for yet another great blog â insightful and FUNNY.
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Love it. An optimistic move in the midst of gloom and doom on all sides. A great way to deal with anxiety, I like your “highway to freedom”. Enjoy your new toy in good health for many years to come.
As to your thoughts, I had never considered that possibility. It’s a feasible hypothesis. A great deal of the wealth that the have-nots are clamoring against is in the hands of seniors.
Those old guys are really scary. Bernie the red with his screaming rants and proposed giveaways, sleepy Joe with a serious medical issue has become unstoppable. Who is winding him up and who will be the power behind the throne? A shadow government has formed behind him.
It may be a bumpy ride ahead but you have a new suv to smooth out the road.
The virus scare is sweeping the country…and the world! Here in the Old Folks Home I thought all would be well. No more dining room service…order your meals and have them picked up or delivered. Entry really curtailed…you get the picture. After awhile it gets down right scary. Reading that NY city and state now epicenter of the virus. John, I hope you and yours stay safe.
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