Odds and Ends

by John Delach

Relative Perpetuity Revisited


In December, I reported that Lincoln Center would pay Avery Fisher’s descendants $15 million to remove his name from the home of the New York Philharmonic allowing a new donor to contribute a substantial amount toward the estimated $500 million needed to improve acoustics for the 21st Century.


Enter David Geffen former movie producer and current philanthropist who has pledged $100 million toward this project. In return, the Philharmonic will re-christen its home David Geffen Hall. According to The New York Times, “Mr. Geffen insisted that the Philharmonic’s hall bear his name in perpetuity.”


Really, that’s what they told Mr. Fisher. Though the 72-year-old Geffen will long be dead and buried when a name change again becomes an issue, Mr. Geffen better not bet his yacht or his extensive art collection that his name will not join Mr. Fisher’s as a footnote on a plaque in the lobby.


The same piece noted that David Koch (as in “Coke”) donated $100 million to the New York State Theater in 2008. In return the theater was renamed after him for 50 years. It may then be renamed again, but the Koch family will retain the right of first refusal. Now that’s how you make a deal!


Trustee Goes South


As the town of Mastic Beach joined other Long Island’s towns and villages in battling the February snow storms, Town Trustee Gary Stiriz, went A.W.O.L. Mr. Stiriz was responsible for the village’s streets being plowed but had been vacationing in the Florida sun since the middle of January missing all seven storms. He spent a total of four months in the sunshine state this past winter. Needless to say the 63 year-old trustee didn’t stand for re-election on March, 18th.  Adios, Gary.


Mount Holyoke College Redefines Who Is a Woman


Mount Holyoke’s admission policy remains committed to its historical mission as a women’s college but they note in their admission guidelines: “Yet, concepts of what it means to be a woman are not static. Traditional binaries around who counts as a man or woman are being challenged by those whose gender identity does not conform to their biology.”


Take your time, read that again if necessary. Let me know when you are ready. Okay, shall we continue? Again from their admission policy:


The following academically students can apply for admission consideration:


  • Biologically born female; identifies as a woman
  • Biologically born female; identifies as a man
  • Biologically born female; identifies as other/they/ze*
  • Biologically born female; does not identify as either woman or man
  • Biologically born male; identifies as a woman
  • Biologically born male; identifies as other/they/ze* and when “other/they identity includes s a woman
  • Biologically born with both male and female anatomy (Intersex)**; identifies as a woman


*Ze a gender neutral pronoun. See also sie, hir, cd and ei.

**Condition of being intermediate between male and female: e.g. hermaphrodite.


Sooner or later cads will apply on the grounds that although in appearance, in dress and manner they seem to be male; in their hearts and souls they are women. Baloney, in their hearts they want to get laid and if that means entering into a lesbian relationship, then so much the better.


Mandatory Composting


“San Francisco may have been the first city to make its citizens compost food, but Seattle is the first to punish people with a fine if they don’t.”


The land of fruits and nuts strikes again only this time it includes the fruits and nuts. But as well-intentioned as these simple souls may be, there are unintended consequences that arise from composting. Cedar Grove Composting in Everett notes that problems arise from those little plastic stickers that are affixed to every piece of fruit. They identify if the product is organic, where it originates and has the code the cashier uses to price it. Steven Banchero III of Cedar Grove explains, “They are so little we just can’t sift them out. They end up popping out in people’s gardens. That’s really annoying.”


No, Mr. Banchero III, what’s really annoying is that the two-legged fruits and nuts have amassed the amount of power that they have. Hopefully the big quake will hit sooner rather than later.


Day after day, more people come to L.A.

Shush, don’t you tell anybody the whole place slipping away.

Where can you go when there aint no San Francisco

Better get ready to tie up the boat in Idaho


Day After Day by Shango