John Delach

March 2026

Two Irishmen answered an ad asking for experienced fishermen to go out into the North Sea to catch Atlantic Salmon. Both hade papers attesting to their experience. The captain asked the first man, “Your papers are in order, but tell me what’s your religion?”…”Protestant,” he replied…”Excellent!” the skipper replied. “You are part of our crew.”

Turning to the second man, he asked, “Your papers are also in order, and what is your religion?”…”Catholic,” he replied.

“Oh, that’s too bad. Before I can hire you, I need recommendations from your priest, your mayor and the chief of police.”

“Why me and not him?”

“That’s easy, young man, he’s Protestant and you’re Catholic.”

Reluctantly, the second fisherman took the blank forms and had them filled out by his priest, his mayor and the chief of police. He returned them to the captain who said, “Well done and welcome on board.”

Out into Atlantic they sail and after a day or two, ice starts to build up on the boat. The captain calls his two new crewmen to the bridge: “Boys, we have to get rid of that ice and as you are my most junior crewmen, I need you to do the job. He hands the Catholic a pick and the Protestant, a shovel. He ordered the Catholic, “You climb the mast and chip off the ice,” and the Protestant: “You shovel the loose ice over the side.”

The Catholic fisherman objects and he asked the captain, “Why do I have to climb up the mast and he doesn’t?”

“That’s easy, the skipper replies, “Because he’s protestant and you’re catholic.”

The two men went to work and after about an hour, a huge wave crashed into the boat washing the fellow on deck overboard, shovel and all. High up on the mast, the catholic fisherman observed this.

He put the pick into his belt, made his way down the mast and climbed up to the bridge and announced to the captain, “You know that Protestant who you let on your boat without any references? Well, he just made off with your fuuken shovel.”

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There are two clocks on one of the train platforms at the Dublin station that show times that are ten-minutes different from each other. One commuter gets tired of seeing this twice a day every working day. He finally decides to report this to the station manager. The manager listens to him, he thinks about it, then answers, “Well laddie, if they both had the same time all of the time, we wouldn’t need two of them, would we?”

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You don’t have to travel to Ireland to get a dose of their humor. For almost fifteen years, a gentleman known as Papa John Clancy acted as an informal host at his son’s Sports bar, Foley’s NY Pub and Restaurant located on 33^rd Street in Midtown Manhattan.

Papa John loved to play with their guests, especially the women.

One time, a guest noticed a photograph hanging on the wall of Pope John Paul with some man.  She demanded of Papa John, “Who is that with his Holiness?”

John looked at the photo, then at her and replied, “Sorry, I was off that day.”

Another time, John was talking with a woman when she asked him where he lives. “I live in Queens.” He replied.

“Oh, do you take the Long Island Railroad home?”

“Oh no, no, no, no, I’d like to, but where would I put it.