John Delach

Author Unknown: Presented by John Delach

Presented by John Delach

September 2023

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are

very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country if they could find the time and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The Philadelphia Inquirer is read by people who’d rather be part of a brawl at an Eagles home game than run the country.  

8. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 

9. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous preferably while intoxicated.

10. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state and would like to do so again as would their constituents who are currently free on bail.

11. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need baseball scores.  

12. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it: but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

13. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

14. The Seattle Times is read by people who recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.