John Delach

May, 2003: Edited May 2023

It is good to be The Top Banana. Someone else does your chores. Someone else runs your errands. The Top Banana does not know who the dry cleaner is, or where the store is located. He never goes to the post office, to buy stamps or mail packages.

The Top Banana has a staff that procures his favorite food and wine. He is chauffeured in black limousines. His airplane seats and hotel rooms are first class, his schedule; seamless, on time with VIP attention. His table and waiter await his arrival, his favorite cocktail, pre-offered and always perfect.

The Top Banana has important opinions. When he speaks, people listen. He is profound, provocative and erudite. He is surrounded by laughter whenever he tells a joke. His criticism is devastating. He is not to be challenged; He is the Top Banana.

It is good to be the Top Banana so long as he doesn’t over-ripen. Bit by bit, the accoutrements of his prestige and power begin to disappear. His jokes are not so funny, the women not so beautiful. He is not so charming. He is not that good looking, not that bright, not that interesting. He is soft, he is spotted; he is not fit for the bunch.